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Smile A While….Some More

Smile A While….Some More

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally, his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.

“So how was it?” his mother asked when they returned home.

“Great,” Johnny replied.

“Did you and your father have a good time?” asked his mother.

“Yes, Daddy especially liked it,” exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, “especially when one of the animals came home at 30-to-1!”

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A bishop discovered a tribe of Indians in the Yukon who had never recorded a baptism, confirmation, or marriage. The bishop soon rectified the situation by baptizing and confirming everyone. He also married every beaming couple that walked by.

Later, the tribal chief told the bishop the tribe had never had so much fun. The bishop asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most.

“The marriage service,” the chief said, smiling. “We all got new wives!”

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Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friends house. Knowing his sweet tooth, Tommy’s mother looked straight into his eyes and said, “I hope you didn’t ask for a second piece of cake.”

“No,” replied Tommy, “but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces without me asking.”

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While standing watch in the Coast Guard station in Juneau, Alaska, I got a call from the Navy in the nearby city of Adak. They’d lost contact with one of their planes and needed the Coast Guard to send an aircraft to find it.

I asked the man where the Navy aircraft had last been spotted so we would know where to search.

“I can’t tell you,” the Navy man said. “That’s classified.”

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Some Joke… Some more laugh…:)

Some Joke… Some more laugh…:)

A prominent lawyer’s son dreamed of following in his father’s footsteps. After graduating from college and law school with honors, he returned home to join his father’s firm, intent on proving himself to be a skilled and worthy attorney.

At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father’s office, and said, “Father, Father! The Smith case, that you always said would go on forever — the one you have been toiling on for ten years — in one single day, I settled that case and saved the client a fortune!”

His father frowned, and scolded his son, “I did not say that it WOULD go on forever, son. I said that it COULD go on forever! When you saw me toiling on that case for days and weeks at a time, didn’t it ever occur to you that I was billing by the hour?”

.”

I just wanted to let you know that a new Homeland Security Program has been launched by the FBI.

Things will be different now and Internet surfing will be tracked by what the FBI calls a “non-intrusive method”.

The FBI says you will not notice anything different.

For a demonstration, click on the link below…

Homeland Security

Quickies

One day I was reading a newspaper. On page two was a picture of a famous politician and his gorgeous wife.

Slightly jealous of the politician, I turned to my wife and said, “”It’s unfair that the biggest jerks in the world catch the most beautiful wives.”

My wife smiled and replied, “Why, thank you, Dear.”

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At a children’s hospital, a little boy about three years old was brought into the emergency room. He had filled both ears with tiny pebbles.

After working over an hour to remove the stones, the doctor asked, “Son, why would you stuff so many pebbles in your ears?”

“Because,” he replied matter-of-factly, “they kept falling out of my nose.”

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The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island. Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him.

When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him, “With the captain’s compliments. He said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued.”

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After spending all day Sunday watching football on television, a man fell asleep and spent the night in the chair.

His wife woke him in the morning. “It’s twenty to seven,” she called.

“In whose favor?”

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Funny Thoughts On Exercise

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.

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My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she’s 97 years old and we don’t know where the hell she is.

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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

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The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

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I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

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The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

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I don’t exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.

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If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

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Next humor: Going to Propose a Girl ?

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