RIDDLES
What has a coat all winter and pants in the summer?
A dog.
How can you prove that a horse has six legs?
A horse has forelegs in front and two behind.
Why didn’t they play cards on Noah’s ark?
Because Noah sat on the deck.
Why couldn’t the chicken find her eggs?
Because she mislaid them.
What’s an insect’s favorite sport?
Cricket
Why did the skeleton go to hospital?
To have his ghoul stones removed
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones
What do you call a skeleton who won’t get up in the mornings?
Lazy bones
What do boney people use to get into their homes?
Skeleton keys
What happened to the boat that sank in the sea full of piranha fish?
It came back with a skeleton crew
Why did the ghost go trick or treating on the top floor?
Because he was in high spirits
What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his home?
A grave problem.
PUNS
Four ghosts were playing poker when there was a knock at the door.
“Whooo is it?” they asked. “Rigor Mortis. May I set in?” (John S.
Crosbie)
Working as an elevator operator has its ups and downs.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you
won’t have a leg to stand on.
I’ve been married to my old flame for 32 years. I guess that means we
are a perfect match. (Gary Hallock)
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.
The ink drop was crying because his daddy was in the pen.
“If you can make a joke on any subject,” roared the king to his
jester, “try making one on me.” “Ah,” said the jester, “the king is
not a subject.”
GROANERS & SHAGGY PUPPY STORIES
A ghoul fell in love with a mummy. Alas, the ghoul did not know much
about proper care of mummies, and in a couple of weeks the mummy began
to unravel and disintegrated. The moral of the story: A ghoul and his
mummy are soon parted.
Other humor
“Does water always come through the roof in this place?” “No, sir,
only when it rains.”
Travel agency motto: “Please go away.”